July 11, 2018

11th July 2018

I'm sitting waiting for the group assessment for the position of "Visitor Assistant" at the new V&A Building in Dundee. Everyone is sitting together in an arrangement of sofas and cube chairs, but I am off to the side. It looked far too cramped. I had the fear when I looked in the foyer, where everyone looked so smart. Heels and skirts and suits. Well, not everyone. That's unfair. One of them has a tote bag from a London Museum. I think that this bag choice was on purpose for the interview, I have no way of knowing but it seems like a smart move if you can show you have been to at least one...

June 27, 2018

 I'm waiting to meet a new person. I'm wearing a crop top and shorts, both black. It has been warm today and now the haar is rolling through the city fast. I'm getting goosebumps but I still need to cool myself internally and dry out the areas with the most sweating. Inevitably, the sun is still shining through the mist so I'm wearing sunglasses. I'm still hypervigiliant, and glasses afford a more liberated scanning process across the streets.
That's not him. They just seemed to walk with purpose, but I suppose most people do. Except the ones that some people call unfortunates. They are outwardly hopeles...

June 20, 2018

20th June 2018
What is your trauma though? That's what I want to ask. I don't feel like I care about others. Maybe they're just the wrong people, but I assess them, and while I assess, I am unfiltered in conversation, but that doesn't mean open. That doesn't mean trusting. I assess, and they warm to me through the open-ness. They warm to me, they feel warmth from me and they are in for the cruelest break when I detach from them oh so suddenly. 
Like now, I have not changed, but I am not receptive. I don't want to talk to you, all of a sudden. Oh so sudden. It's confusing, and it's technically me initiatin...

April 12, 2018

This was written in a period of coming to terms with loneliness and what it meant to me, and in response to a questionnaire asking "What does loneliness mean to you?"

Loneliness is knowing that if you really needed someone to talk to, in person, in that moment, there isn't anyone you can think of who you could call to be there for you. With you.

It's a yearning to feel like you have something in common with someone and whose company you can enjoy but, for some reason or no reason, they just don't seem to exist for you.

It's staring at strangers who are sitting together in coffee-shops, or laughing as th...